Toooooot! Tooooot!
Mood:  irritated
Topic: job / career
It's been a long minute since I last wrote.  Well, not too much has changed but I feel like venting.

I've been having some trouble with someone at work.  I tried being nice and just brushing off some of the comments.  I was very forgiving every time this person broke off an engagement... and made fun of me, and belittled me.  I know I am not perfect and that there are things about me that people find annoying, but I REALLY tried to make friends with this person so I swallowed my pride on several occasion. What this person did today just really blew my fuse.  I am fuming while I'm typing!!!

On top of that I guess I have some personal problems at home.  Everything always works out in the end though right?

I'm writing in vague terms because of the fact that we don't really have much anonymity any more... 

unSafe and unSafer
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: job / career

It seems that there is no way to "get away from it all" anymore.  Today at work, I had a stressful day and wanted to go somewhere private and be alone.  Basically what I wanted to do was hide. 

I went outside and people were everywhere.  THere was not a quiet nook in site.  I was so stressed out that I actually welcomed the sound of the "EL".  It made me feel as if my stress was being crushed squished by the loud unsteady rhythm.

Today I wanted to avoid going home for a bit after work but where would I sit?  There is an alley but nowhere to sit there. 
There's a park, but too many people.

Back when I was in Boulder, I used to hike every morning for about an hour and forty mins every single day.  It was so quiet compared to here.. but still even at the high elevations I could hear cars and other hikers.  It seems like there is no way to ever be truly alone if you are a part of society.  Never alone but still lonely.

Now with blogs, it's a way to perhaps reach out and vent but still... savvy bosses are doing online searches, human resources companies are doing so as well and it's no longer safe to really say what you want.

Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Who R U?
Topic: identity

My older sister and I met up with an old family friend.  The last time I saw him was when i was.. maybe 15.. and now I'm 27.  Time flies!

He was in the Japanese film industry in his "youth"..  He's in his 80s now.  Anyway he mentioned something that really struck a chord with me:  People who are multiracial have no continuity ("cultural continuity").  Is there such a phrase?  Well... That's exactly the way I feel.  Am I Korean or German or American?  I wish I was Korean or German but I don't know enough about those cultures to be either.  And what is American culture? 

If you have children, what do you teach them? 

Chicken and Monkey
Mood:  rushed
Topic: job / career

A co-worker told me that I look like a chicken with it's head cut off when I am at work.  Gee... Thanks.

I guess I feel that way though.  I have a ton of people asking me to do projects.  My co-worker is pretty new so they don't give her much work and she also asks me to help her out while I'm busy.  No wonder!

Today I made a stupid mistake.  Soon it is my probation evaluation.. ughh!!!!  Last time out of a rating of 1-4 (4 being the highest) I received 2 for critical thinking...

Just the other day I was contemplating about the universe again... and reading about nuclear power plants, thinking that I'm so cool.  Today I was just an office monkey, doing things for my supervisors, feeling like I was the dumbest person. 

Envy Me
Mood:  a-ok

I was talking to an ol' pal of mine.  We go back all the way to 8th grade.  She played clarinet, I played saxophone, we were both in the "nerd" team at our school (students were placed in the class based on a math test).

We both LOVE music.  I got saxophone lessons and shortly after, she got clarinet lessons.  I became band leader in high school, she dropped out of the band in high school.  Then come college and she becomes a music performance major, moving to philadelphia, makes tons of friends, has a great paying job. 

I stay in boring ol' Colorado, after 5 years, major in "Asian Studies"... quit saxophone and don't know what to do with my life.  I sold my student-model crap-o-phone and don't do anything that I dreamed of doing... 
I was envious of my friend.  In college she had lots of close friends and I didn't have any, other than her.  Even now, my friends are just acquaintances.  She still plays clarinet and plays in a community band...  She's meeting lots of guys.  She lost some weight and looks great. 

I wonder what happened to me, why are things so bad?  I have a crappy job that barely allows me to live.. I don't have a saxophone so I can't play to keep my sanity.  My special someone isn't here with me, I dont' have friends here..Why does my life suck?  Or does it?

I had to do a little digging and came up with the fact that my life is NOT so bad and I don't envy my friend. 

 I made it to Korea AND lived there for a year ALL on my own.  I met a great person who wants to be with me.  He showed me Germany, and Amsterdam and we went to Korea and Japan together. 
That was part of my dream: to travel, live in Korea for a while and of course meet someone that wants to be with me (and I want to be with).  And he happens to like traveling too!

I am much more fluent in Korean than I used to be. I can read and write it very well as a result of becoming an asian studies major.  I even know some Mandarin and chinese characters.

Hmm.. I learned to cook Korean food and the special person in my life LOVES the food I make.  I don't have to worry about him cheating on me and vice versa.  I will save up for a saxophone. 

I live in a great neighborhood.  It's extremely close to downtown, and other great things that I won't mention because I dont' want any stalkers looking for me.

I think I have it better than she... but her place is nothing to be sad about  :)

Here is my latest but extremely SIMPLE recipe: 

Bbokki

This is a Korean candy, from back in the day when Korea was beginning to westernize.  It's very simple and normally when you buy it, the vendor will stamp different shapes into it although the candy will always taste the same.  Ahh... the simple pleasure in life!

2 tblspn sugar
tiny pinch of baking soda (if you use too much, it will make this very bitter.)

Use a giant metal spoon that has a long handle. 
1.)Put all the sugar and baking soda into the spoon and place it directly above the burner on your stove. 
2.)Let it melt while stiring with a butter knife or metal chopstick.
3.)Once the mixture turns into a yellow/brown blob, spill it onto an aluminum foil to cool down.  If you cook it too long, it will burn.
4.)Use the butter knife to spread it into a thin layer.  If you have a cookie cutter, use it while the mixture is still hot. 
5.)Let it cool and harden.  Then eat! 

VOILA!

Taking it for the team
Mood:  not sure

I just watched a movie that is based on the book "Fast Food Nation".  It really grossed me out and made me feel bad about eating meat.. not that I really eat it much anyway. 

I don't eat much meat to begin with but when I saw the butchering scene it made me so sad. 
First they shot the cow in the head, then it dropped down into a pool of blood from previously shot cows.  Next then slit the neck open and all the blood gushed out.  They hacked off the limbs with a machete, separated the skin from the animal with a giant hook.  The hook also separated the skin off of the skull... 

There was a pile of white skulls with the eyeballs still in.  The eyeballs in the skulls looked as if they were gazing out into space, like a drugged/drunk person might. 

There was a conveyor belt that carried all the innerds (sp?) away.. probably to be ground up into cattle feed.  If the people are not trained properly or are under time pressure, they dont' pull the guts out properly and feces gets all over the meat.

The lower quality meats from all the cows get ground up together and dit is sent to a vat. A tube that goes into the vats injects certain amounts of fat into the different vats so that consumers can choose what kind of ground meat they want (lean, 20% fat.,.. etc).  Just the thought though is pretty disgusting, .. in 1 burger, how many different cows are in it?  From how many cows did they get the fat that is injected into that burger?  2? 50?..  blehhh

People get hurt or killed in the meat pack plants..  All so that I can eat a cheap burger or steak.  (I don't eat burgers actually, even before I knew that ground meat was pretty disgusting.)  

When I was young I didn't like meat.  I hated the smell of frying pork too.  THe smell reminded me of "gamey human flesh" and made me want to vomit.  I'd always have to hold my breath when someone was cooking it in the neighborhood when I lived in Korea.

I end up not buying meat for whatever reasons.. but I am definitely guilty of trying to look for the cheapest things...  I am part of the reason why animals and people are being treated bad. 

Oh..my co-worker was fired this week.  My supervisor "let her go" because her job was unsatisfactory... But come on!  They hired her because her lack of experience so that they could give her a low wage.  And due to her lack of experience, they are not satisfied....  I also don't have much experience so it really makes me scared.

To be honest, I hate my job but it is better than working at a meat packing plant.  Still, "Support Staff" are treated like shit.

Hmm...

Oh, my sister and I got to talking about tipping servers.  She thinks that if you give a server less than 15% that it is an insult.  I personally think that people should not be required to to giving tips.  I know people are not required to do so but it is frowned upon if you don't. 

I know they get paid crap but that's because customers are expected to pay the servers their wages.  SO, if no customers gave tips, the restaurant owners would be forced to give at least minimum wage.  If it were mandatory that servers were paid minimum wage, then even a $2 tip would not seem so awful. Plus if a customer decides to give a little or big tip, GREAT! 

ANyway, that's not the way the restaurant industry works.. so I end up not going out much.  First, the meal itself is expensive for a person like me who does not earn much and then I have to pay someone else's wage, at least 15%...

Hmmm... Someone very near and dear to me is in the hospital.. I hope he will be ok.  I worry about him but I know he will be ok.  He is the best.

Probate This!
Mood:  irritated
Topic: job / career

Those of you who are supervisors/bosses/have a high position, here's a message to y'all: Don't be a jerk!

What goes around...
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: job / career

The other day, one of my bosses wanted me (and another "secretary") to send out 200 letters within 2 hours.  We had to fold the letter, put them into envelopes, put mailing labels on them and place them in a box.  So my colleague and I sat down and began to work.  Shortly after, my boss walked in and told us to stand up an do it.  She watched us the whole time so I could not sit.  Now my back hurts a lot.  Boo hoo...  

Today one of my bosses yelled at me.   I think I'll call him Mr. Crap.  Grrr!!!!  He told me that he was missing a document from me.  I remembered that I put it on his desk with all his other documents and asked if I could look through it.  He told me, "No! I already looked through it and it's not there!" I went back to my office and looked around for it but could not find it.  I was nervous to call him back but I did, only to find out that I had INDEED placed it on his desk and he overlooked it.

I was working on a project for someone and I messed up so many times... Everytime I showed her my completed task, she'd find an error.  I wasted so much time, energy, and paper.  (My bosss keep track of how much paper is used every month.) I wanted to hide in a corner.  I felt bad and stressed out.  Soon my mid-probabtion evaluation is coming up and I know one of my bosses will hear about this.

There was a campaign kick-off to raise money for the organization that I work at.  It was mandatory so I had to go.  They ended up showing a sappy movie with "inspirational" music.  It made cringe and also made me very annoyed.  AND they wanted everyone to donate money.  I want to donate to the needy but the fact is that  I feel like if I donated to the organization that I work at, I am basically working for a crappy boss w/out pay.  I will definitely donate something but not sure if I will donate to the place I work.

Someone asked me to pull somes files on some of the higher ranking people in the place I work.  This person wanted to know how much these people donated last year and last this year.  It was very sad to see that all these people making at least $50,000 a year who didn't give a dime!  One of the people I work with earns significantly less than that (as do I) and even this person gave SOMETHING.

Why is it that a lot of selffish, grouchy, moody, arrogant people get high positions in organizations, rankings etc? 

When I told Mr. Crap that I was very busy because I was working on something that was do ASAP, he told me that he didn't care and that I would need to "figure it out". 

Sometimes I really HATE working here.

On the bright side, the weather is nice.  :)

You Do the Math
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: job / career

Uhhhh..... now I am finally full time/permanent.  So I can complain about having a job.  :D

 Yesterday I met someone who works at the computer store at the grocery store.  He told me that he used to work 3 jobs but now he "only" works 2 jobs. 

He took on extra jobs not only to pay bills but to buy a motorcycle to get to work everydday.  How sad is that? 

Why is it that in the U.S. , the average work time is 9-5, 8 hours a day?  Who figured that people should spend more of their productive awake time at work than at home in order to earn a somewhat decent living?  I can understand why some jobs might require long hours, such as a pharmacy... but still, can't the long hours be split while still giving a decent salary? 

 Why can't people earn a living wage working less hours?  Hmm... well I suppose a company would lose money if they had to hire 2 people because they work less hours while giving them living wage salaries. 

And why is it that people with jobs get so many perks?  People who don't have jobs need it the most.. For instance , health insurance, reduced membership fees to gyms, free tickets to movies, coupons for free pastries...  tax-free transportation cards.  I know people who have jobs sometimes RELY on public transportation but don't jobless people who are going to interviews etc. need it too?

Why is health insurance so damn expensive? 

What's the solution?

Are you depressed?
Topic: surveys

Your Depression Level: 28%

You may be depressed. While you can be moody, your moods generally fall within the range of normal. It's up to you to decide if you're depressed... or if you're simply having a bad week.

Blogthings - Are You Depressed?